The year is 2070, and Herbert Hoover Palminteri is working as a janitor on Mars. He and his wife Cady were sent up in 2044 after graduating from Vanderough University in Bridgeport, Connecticut. Herbert complains that the only reason he is stuck scrubbing floors on Mars is because of a scandal that happened back during his freshman year at VU. He was tapped to join a notorious secret society—the Order of the Scepter & Gavel—and he hints that there was a terrible accident during one of his initiation rites that led to the downfall of the entire society. During this hazing ritual, a boy named Freddy Euler died. Herbert had hoped to never again revisit the death of Freddy Euler, but now that a man has turned up dead of a suspected homicide in the Martian colony, Herbert finds himself reliving the painful memories of his youth.

The murdered man was named Adolf Dussel. He worked for the Martian Census Bureau. Herbert didn’t know him well, but he and Cady are dragged into the investigation when it is discovered Adolf died of radiation poisoning from a spent nuclear fuel pellet stuffed under Adolf’s mattress. It turns out in the course of Herbert’s janitorial duties, he sometimes disposes of nuclear waste, so he becomes a person of interest. As the investigation gets underway, Herbert relives his freshman year of college when he was tapped to join the Order of the Scepter & Gavel. He recalls the various initiation rites that he was forced to complete to become a member of the secret society.