Drinking With Satan

Jeffrey Pipes Guice

Passed out on the damp concrete stairs...

Along Lake Pontchartrain...

Surrounded by empty gin bottles...

Remembering nothing but my first name...

 

As I rubbed my bloodshot eyes...

Seeing nothing at all but red...

As Satan’s wicked minstrels play loudly...

Drums pounding in my throbbing head...

 

I simply wanted it all to stop...

My pleads for mercy went unheard...

I begged for the devil to ease the pain...

But the monster heard nary a word...

 

Finally he offered a wicked wince...

And shouted over to my direction...

“I own your soul, you drunken fool...

Now give me your best genuflection”

 

I started to feel very defiant...

Maybe I should get up and kick his ass...

I tried to pick my pitiful self up...

But cut my hands on broken glass...

 

My legs felt like they were burning...

I realized I was sitting on fire ants...

When I thought things couldn’t get any worse...

I realized I pissed all over my pants...

 

Then Satan fell down laughing...

As he howled up towards the sky...

He gripped his stomach to flatulate...

Hitting me squarely in the eye...

 

I began to vomit on my shirt front...

Suddenly realizing I had puked there twice before...

I then realized I wanted to escape this misery...

To quickly find the nearest exit door...

 

But Satan had other plans for me...

He wasn’t going to let me just walk away...

He said “Your soul is mine, you useless fool!

And I want to keep you drunk all day...”

 

He challenged me to a contest...

If I could stop drinking for a 90-day stretch...

He would agree to return my life back to me...

To no longer be such a vulgar wretch...

 

I quickly accepted the challenge...

Already knowing it was going to be hard...

Because I loved being drunk more than anything...

But not enough to end up in a graveyard...

 

I started praying to a Higher Power...

Asking for guidance to free me from this pain...

He responded, in kind “What took you so long?

It was always your choice to refrain...”

 

The harder I tried to stop drinking...

The more temptation that Satan would supply...

He wasn’t going to make it easy for me...

And the more pressure he would soon apply...

 

He trapped me using my former friends...

All the old people, places and things...

“You’re never going to make it!” he said...

“Have just one drink and see what that brings...”

 

But my Higher Power laughed at old Satan...”

He shooed the devil far, far away...

He suggested I change my entire attitude...

And to practice my steps, each and every day...

 

I started to feel much better...

My thinking became ever more clear...

My decisions started to make more sense...

I suddenly lost all my anger and fear...

 

Upon completing my 90-day challenge...

And with Satan no longer in sight...

I stopped passing out on the damp stairs...

Now resting peacefully in my bed each night...

 

I owe it all to my Higher Power...

For allowing me this wonderful second chance...

I’ve turned my life completely around...

And I no longer piss all over my pants...

 

© 2021 Jeffrey Pipes Guice

Photograph by David NOLA