Excerpt – Prologue
I used to blackout every night and it was marvelous. I took those dark periods of nothingness as a sign I had made it. That the world was affirming what my fragile ego was slow to accept. That I was a beloved success. I mean, what persona is supposed to party harder than a rock star? None in my book. So, when reality started slipping from my intoxicated hands, I didn’t worry. I didn’t turn to my friends and bandmates, my manager, or my mom to help me get a handle on my mind. I embraced it. I let hedonism pull me further down the rabbit hole and patted myself on the back. Job well done, Kennedy. You are officially amazing.
Now, I realize how utterly wrong I was. That losing a part of your life isn’t how you celebrate it. I took for granted that I was the reason I blacked out all those crazy nights on tour. I did it to myself. Alcohol, drugs, whatever caught my eye was all I needed to send me into the darkness that was my happy place. How foolish was I not to see this as a problem? Most people would turn away from a blackhole but I just skipped right into it. It wasn’t until it had twisted me completely upside-down that I tried to find my way out. Unfortunately, even when I got clean, the blackouts still came. My control was gone. And now, I sit alone in my cage, living my worst fear: that I am as forgotten as those drunken nights punched from my memory like holes in Swiss cheese.